Abigail Van Buren advises on holiday etiquette and rental agreements

Abigail Van Buren, writing under the pen name Dear Abby, responded to two reader inquiries in a column published on November 3, 2026. The first question concerned a family in Chicago that has exchanged Christmas gifts with a distant sister-in-law for several years. The sister-in-law stopped sending presents after a difficult divorce, which the writer attributed to financial strain. Despite the cessation of gifts from the distant family, the Chicago household continued to ship presents to the children. The writer noted that no thank-you notes or acknowledgments were received, a practice her husband dismissed as minor while she considered it rude.

Van Buren agreed with the Chicago reader, stating that the lack of acknowledgment was indeed rude. She placed the responsibility for this behavior on the parents rather than the children. The columnist suggested that the failure to express gratitude might stem from the sister-in-law’s guilt over being unable to reciprocate. She recommended that the writer ask if the sister-in-law still wishes to receive gifts to clarify the arrangement.

The second inquiry came from a woman described as Grandma Landlady, who has been divorced for ten years. She owns a nearly paid-off house in a top school district where her daughter, son, nephew, and granddaughter reside. The adults live in the home and agreed verbally to pay rent until the granddaughter finishes high school in six years. The writer stated that only her son and nephew, who recently began dialysis for end-stage renal disease, pay rent regularly. Her daughter and son-in-law are frequently late despite text reminders and verbal discussions. The writer plans to use the income for retirement funds.

Van Buren advised the landlady to formalize the arrangement by drafting a lease contract with specific penalties for late payment. She suggested enlisting the son and nephew to apply social pressure on the daughter and son-in-law. The columnist also recommended setting up direct monthly bank transfers to ensure consistent payment. If further measures are needed, Van Buren advised consulting a lawyer for options other than eviction to secure the funds.

The column appears in the Philadelphia Inquirer Bucks section. The responses provide specific guidance on maintaining professional boundaries within family financial arrangements. The advice emphasizes documentation and clear communication over verbal agreements in long-term housing situations. Readers interested in similar domestic disputes can find the full column in the newspaper's advice section.

Van Buren’s guidance reflects a focus on practical solutions for common household conflicts. The advice targets adults managing financial responsibilities across generations. The column serves as a reference for families navigating shared housing and holiday traditions. The responses were published on the same day as the newspaper's general news coverage.

The column concludes with the standard sign-off for the advice section. No further updates are scheduled for this specific advice thread. The next column is expected in the regular publication cycle. Readers may submit questions through the established channels for the newspaper's advice desk.